Hostel Rule #4
“No external guest are allowed in the hostel area. This is because they are all notorious vagabonds who steal everything you own. Possibly. Plus you’re probably being a slut, and your mother wouldn’t approve, you dirty dog. May crabs strike you down… (Fines)”
Two parts to this one; Tallinn the city and Tallinn Backpackers the hostel.
Many years ago Tallinn was invaded by the Dutch, and because of a non existent army, the people of Tallinn had to get creative with their tactics. When the Dutch came ashore the people of Tallinn greeted them with open arms and lots of beer. The Dutch were so touched by this gesture they said “we’ll wait to rape, pillage and kill you until tomorrow”! Then got drunk. While in a drunken stupor, Tallinn attacked and defeated the Dutch army.
Today Tallinn appears to be using a similar tactic, but this time using the beer to get your wallet. The old town is absolutely stunning and surrounded by a medieval wall. It’s easy to get lost for the day and enjoy their restaurants and historic architecture . However, be warned; Their beer enticing tactics on the weekends turn the cobblestone streets into a playground for stag parties (bachelor parties), and drunk foreigners looking to save money and hit on the absolutely beautiful Estonian women. The women however, appear to flee in order to avoid this beer hunting tourist invasion.
Outside of drinking and eating, there is a good walking tour with a theatrical attractive blond and a few worth while museums (Maritime museum that resembles Dr. Evils layer and a KGB museum on the top floor of a hotel that was once used by the KGB to spy on the foreign hotel guests).
Although, waking up in time for any of these attractions could be a challenge… (See part two).
Tallinn Backpackers Hostel is a model example of what backpacking is all about and one of my favorite hostels to date. I’m confident that anyone who stays there would hold a similar sentiment; as long as you don’t break their rules…
Rule 1. Facebook isn’t allowed after 7:30pm, if you are caught, you will be doing a penalty shot laying on your back. Not that bad? While the shot varies depending on what’s in the fridge, the one I witnessed was; Fish oil, Tabasco sauces and a dash of vodka. Their goal is to make you throw up.
Rule 2. You cannot use or spell the word “Mine” at anytime. The penalty is ten push ups with a clap at the end.
*Following rules are in effect only after your first beer is opened and carry a one sip penalty.
Rule 3. Earthquake! Beer must always be one finger length away from the edge of the table.
Rule 4. No pointing. You can use your elbow, fist, but no finger.
Rule 5. Consume with the clock. Whatever side of the clock the minute hand is on, is the hand you must drink with.
Rule 6. You cannot say; Drink, Drank, Drinking, Drunk or any variation of the word.
These rules are strictly enforced after your first beer and few escape its intoxicating grip. (Disclaimer; The first rule, is their only “rule”. The others are part of the “Game of Life”)
Enough good things can’t be said about the staff. The Hostel itself is fantastic but it’s those who live, work and play there that are the fuel that energize it. So grab a beer, break a rule, and see if you can play in the backpacking major leagues.
Oh, and one more thing, “I’m getting drunk with the same drink I drank with my wrong drinking hand” (See picture below). Face.
