I’d be shocked if you’ve heard this song but it’s an absolute Jam! It doesn’t get going until about 1:20, but be patient and wait for it! Thanks to Kevin and Ciaran from Ireland for the hook up.
(Download; Free or Buy) *For free; follow the instructions under the download link. They’re in really small print.)
I’d like to thank my mom, dad and all those at the Vance who nominated me for this prestigious distinction! Without all of you none of this would have been possible!
“Carl Hassett, the unofficial winner of Movember’s (Mustache November) Freddie Mercury look-a-like contest”
“What began as two weeks in Jamaica turned into several months when I decided to walk the perimeter of the entire island. I would have a driver pick me up at night and then drop me off where I ended the previous day.
During one stretch of beach, I was walking past a couple shacks on the ocean where I heard someone yell, ‘What are you doing here white boy?’. I stopped and yelled back, ‘walking’. They told me that I couldn’t walk down this beach because I would end up being robbed. I shrugged it off, thanked them for the warning and kept moving.
A few minutes later they pulled up to me in a pick-up truck and again told me I wasn’t safe and I should go with them and they would also give me a place to sleep. I decided to go with them knowing they had bad intentions but driven by the curiosity to meet new people. While chatting in their shack, it was clear they were sizing me up and they were the criminals.
Things all of a sudden changed when I told them that had I traveled from Mexico and had been staying at a large estate on the water. A look of fear rolled over their faces and they went silent. One of them jumped up and ran into a back room. He came back a few moments later with a huge bag Marijuana and started saying, ‘We grow. We partner’.
They thought I was a member of a Mexican drug cartel and immediately feared for their lives if they crossed me. They spent the rest of the time asking to stay in touch so we could partner up.”
“After traveling with my loser friend Carl for a month, our story of where we’re from and what we did got a little redundant, so a game was formed. The game was to see who would be tripped up first on an improv’d story.
We built a portfolio of stories but one stood out above the rest; Off duty pub crawl guides in Prague. We where telling this story to seven girls from the U.S. in our hostel about 3 hours after we arrived in Prague and before we had seen any of the city. The fictitious story quickly grew out of control as we struggled to trip each other up. The story escalated when I offered to take them on our pub route at 9pm that night. Because we knew nothing about Prague we had to run down to reception and have them highlight ten of their favorite bars on a tourist map.
At this point it was becoming too funny to stop. So, at 9pm we strolled to the front of the hostel to discover over 30 people waiting for our “pub crawl”. The girls had spread the word around the hostel and what started as a small group quickly turned into a mob. We had seen enough pub crawls at that point to feel confident about faking it, but what we hadn’t anticipated was the first bar on our map being a complete local dive bar (We had just asked reception for their favorites, not most popular…). Strolling in to this bar with 30+ people, the bartender literally shut the music off and everyone just starred at us. A few awkward minutes go by until the music came back on, but this time playing Green Day’s “American Idiot” as loud as the speakers could handle. Our earlier shots of Absinthe helped us brush this off with a laugh, which seemed to entertain the locals enough to leave us alone.
About three bars and several drinks later, Carl and I quickly started getting lost in the unfamiliar city. While we thought we provided a good explanation as to why, one of the girls finally looked at us and said ‘you are full of shit aren’t you?’. Fortunately everybody was having enough fun to keep us in-charge in what turned into an epic night out.”
Met Troy at the Hostel in Krakow. He read me the story from his buddy. True, Not, who cares… it’s funny.
“My girlfriend invited me to her house where I found her sister alone. So I sat there waiting for my girlfriend while her unbelievably sexy sister was sitting there with me. A few moments go by, then she comes up next to me, and whispers in my ear ‘we should have sex before my sister comes home’. I immediately got up and turned around to walk to my car. I found my girlfriend standing by the door, at which point she hugged me and said ‘you’ve won my trust’. The moral of the story, always keep your condoms in your car.”
Another longer story but worth it!
“Back in July of 2009, I took three weeks off from work and flew into Moscow to do a trip around European Russia along with the Baltic States. It was my first night in Moscow and I headed to a bar that the hotel recommended. After arriving at the establishment, I immediately walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. There was an attractive looking girl standing next to me as I waited for my vodka and seven. She was definitely Russian judging by her Slavic features and the way she dressed along with her stiletto heels.
“Kak dela?” I asked.
“I am fine. Spasiba. I speak some English. You don’t have speak Russian to me.”
The Russian girl was gorgeous and friendly. Her name was Katya and I was trying to figure out if she was being a little too nice. It was my first night in Russia and I had heard that prostitution was common. After talking to her for a few minutes at the bar I decided she wasn’t a prostitute and asked her to come sit down with me at a table.
Over the next couple hours, we talked, she told me all about her city, we kicked back some shots of vodka, got a taxi and headed for the nearest hotel. The hotel was next to the Russian Cosmonaut memorial in north Moscow. After checking in to the hotel room, she gave me a very pleasant Russian welcome… for about three hours.
We woke up sometime in the morning, and I had no idea what time it was. The Russian summer and its white nights were not helping me or my Circadian rhythm. I was starving so we headed across the street to a café for a quick bite to eat. She told me more about her country and I almost choked on my food when she asked with a very serious face,
“Can you give some money because I was your guide.”
“What!?, no, you don’t talk business after the fact.” I replied, as I was waving for the waiter to bring me the check.
“But, I tell you about my country and show you good time.”
“Yes, but you had just as good a time as me, I bought you drinks, paid for a nice hotel room, bought you breakfast. And you know what, not once did you say spasiba or thank you.”
I promptly paid my tab, told her good luck, and left. She was right behind me. I walked into the nearest metro entrance. I turned to her, “Look, if you are going the same direction as me, fine, but don’t expect me to give you any money.” She didn’t say anything.
I got on the train going to Mayakovskaya station and she wouldn’t let a foot come between us. “You can’t give me maybe 1000 rubles(30 dollars)?”
It wasn’t the money that was the issue, it was the principle. “No, you need to quit following me right now.” I didn’t want to make a scene because there were people around but I was getting very agitated.
“But this is how we do things in Russia.”
“I am not stupid, you don’t conduct business like that in Russia.”
The doors opened at Mayakovskaya station and I got out real fast, she was right there with me. I was rather impressed how fast she could walk in her tall heels. We got on the escalator going up to the street and I made a break for it. Unfortunately, she grabbed a handful of my shirt as I took a fast step forward. I could have easily pulled her with me or swatted her hand away but only with hundreds of Russians witnessing the act. I was in a tight spot. The last thing I needed was for a 30 dollar hooker following me around on my first full day in Russia. Lonely planet didn’t say anything about this in their guide book.
We walked through the metro exit onto the street, and I could have turned right towards my hostel but I didn’t want her anywhere near there, so I kept walking straight. I was outright pissed at this point. This had to end and by no means was I going to pay her anything. “If you don’t leave me alone I am going to literally run away from you!” I was pretty confident she couldn’t keep up with me in her heels. Keep in mind that it was broad daylight, we were in downtown Moscow, and thousands of Muscovites were going about their daily routine.
She laughed, “I would like to see you run away from me with everyone around.”
A few minutes passed, she was still there, and I started running. “Have a good life!” I ran to the end of the block and turned right, I snaked my way around a few blocks and headed in the general direction of my hostel. I can’t imagine what the Russians were thinking as they saw an obvious American running through the streets midday. Maybe they wondered what I thought of the tour…
“I arrived to Corfu Greece by boat in the middle of the afternoon and looking for a rush decided to jump off the boat rather then walk off. I gave my bags and my camera to two Alaskans I had been chatting with, then… jumped. I hit the water so hard I split my toe and the police detained me as soon as I swam ashore. When one asked why I jumped and I told him for the rush, he responded, ‘What?! You want a rush, you fuck a woman!’”
Look closely…
