War Stories (Archive)

*This is an Archive of the original section “War Stories”.

This is a free for all.  

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Backpacking around the world doesn’t come without seeing some crazy shit; so share your stories so we can have a laugh or learn a lesson (using the comment section at bottom.  Story will post to the top).

It’s anonymous if you want it to be and only I see your email address; no one else (If you even use your real one. “[email protected]” would work).  After your first story posts, your others will post immediately when using the same name and email (Very first post takes a minute).  Have fun with it… I’m going to.

*Generic username and email for the lazy; Username – anonymous, Email – [email protected]

WARNING:  This section is not censored or screened.  So if you’re easily offended… sorry?

  1. Globe-Trotter

    “Mile High”

    I was on a long overnight flight from Australia to LA. and was sitting next to a girl that I had hooked up with before, so the idea was in both our heads. There was this awesome Aussie pro surfer dude sitting across the ailse and we started trading stories and taking full advantage of the all you can drink airline policy . Halfway through the flight and several drinks later our blanket became more of a shield and my wondering hands garnished the response from her “are you fucken serious?”. Fortunately she quickly warmed up to the idea.

    Our suspicious walk to the bathroom can be described as ‘incredibly un-smooth’.

    After the best 30 seconds of her life, we were officially part of the Mile High Club and then understood why there are so many mirrors in an airplane bathroom. We split up to inconspicuously get back to our seats… But, nope. A male flight attended yelled to me as I scurried by, and said “hey, get back here!”. I causiously walk up to him as he said in his Aussie accent, “Mate, that was the quickest member ship to the mile high club I have ever seen!”. But at that point nothing was going to shake my pride.

  2. TDW

    So a rather drunk night in Bangkok we were all saying we were going to get tattoos, me being the idiot that I am said I’m going to get Thailand tattooed on my vagina. The girls roared with laughter then they all made a bet with me that I wouldn’t do it.
    2days later stone cold sober I was late for dinner, they asked me why I was late I simply pulled my shorts and underwear down in the middle of a very busy bar and showed them……I now have Thailand tattooed on my vagina!

  3. Love you long time

    “The back alley double pump”, Vietnam

    After a long long night of heavy drinking in Nha Trang, Vietnam I found myself stumbling out of “Why not bar” down the road unsure of where I was staying. Out of no where appears a Vietnamese woman. She throws her arm around me and begins mumbling the words “Suck suck”.

    As she leads me toward an alley, ?my inner conscience told me to run away. But a deeper more dominate part of me wanted what in my defense was a very attractive older woman, had to offer. Two steps around the corner she already had my pants down to my ankles. After only two swift but pleasure inducing flicks of her wrist she dives both hands into my pants pockets. Pulling out the 70k Vietnamese Dong I have. She explains that it’s just not enough. I tell her I have no more money and I’m sorry. Hearing that she jumps up and runs out of the alley with my 70k Dong in hand. Leaving me standing against a wall with my pants down, baffled, confused, and robbed of all cash. I later laughed my ass off telling my friend of my adventure home. Stemming from this came my nickname “Double pump”. Was it worth it you ask? At 20k to 1 dollar, that’s $3.50 for 3 seconds of ecstasy was money well spent.

  4. Dick Beard

    Title: “How not to pick up six blonds”, Gili Islands, Indonesia

    The story begins with two Canadians, on Gili T island in the famous blue marlin bar. My friend and I after a few Bintang beers decide we better seek out some girls. Looking around, we spot a table of 6 blondes. We walk up and after dropping a cheesy ice breaker, we ask where they are from. Four of the six replied, saying they were from Sweden. Returning the question to us we replied we were Canadian. The two girls who didn’t answer piped in and asked “Oh are you guys from Montreal?” (the capital of the French Canadian province, Quebec). We replied in unison “FUCKKKK no we aren’t. We hate Quebec!!” This strong reply sends shocked looks across all the girls faces. The same two who asked the question say to us, “We’re French Canadian.”

    Looking at one another, my friend and I know our chances with any of these girls have been destroyed. “Ohhhh shit, there isn’t really any coming back from that statement.” I say. No more words are exchanged. The girls simply stand up and leave the table. In the end we got a free table to sit at, my friend managed to get lucky with one of the Swedish friends, and we learned a valuable lesson. DONT ASSUME ALL HOT BLONDES ARE SWEDISH!

  5. Met you in Siem

    “Not so Happy Pizza”, Cambodia

    Cambodia advertises “happy pizza” all over. Eventually I found out that happy pizza is actually weed pizza. I was told that Cambodia has a loophole in their law that makes it illegal to smoke weed but legal to eat it. I decided to give it a try one night and asked some people at the hostel the best place to go. I was directed to some pizza place downtown and when I ordered the waiter shook his head and said “No happy pizza here”. I was positive I had the right place, but he insisted. Still determined I just slid to a place next-door and ordered one large extra happy pizza. I ate my pizza, got high, and enjoyed it!

    A few days later I get an email from a cambodian friend with an article attached. One day after I had my happy pizza the place was raided by the Cambodian police and several foreigners were arrested.

    Usually in Cambodia a few dollars will get you out of most trouble, but not in this case. The raid had a political feel to it and was more about making an example out of the tourist then anything else. The first shop I was denied because they were smart and kept up with their police bribes so were pre-warned the raid was coming.

    One F’n day later…

    The Article – National Arrest Sour Happy Holidays

  6. worldtraveler

    So a couple of days ago me and three English mates I met here in Vietnam went out to party in Nha Trang, so we just got a couple of drinks played some drinkinggames had a good time. One of us drank way to many buckets, we all were in a pretty good condition but he was beyond beeing just a little drunk, then we were leaving to go to the world famous Why-Not-Bar and somehow lost each other. So after that night we wake up and me and two of my mates are in the room wake up at 10 and all wonder were this guy who got pretty shit faced went, since he was not in his bed. We were all like, allright I didnt really see him late at why-not-bar anymore so what the fuck did he do, we all agreed that he was way to shit faced to get any pussy. So what happens is, he walks in at 11 oclock looking pale like shit and says:fuuuuck what happened last night I dont know anything anymore,just woke up on the other side of the city and complete different hostel in a bed alone, COMPLETE MEMORYLOSS. 5minuts after he runs to the toilet throws up and when he comes in again he is like
    FUCK FLASHBACK, I got fucking peppersprayed,
    we just have to laugh and ask why and from who and he has no fucking idea anymore, so we never found out wht really happend that night, just that he did some kind of shit that made somebody that mad that he peppersprayed him…probably some girl felt bad for him and took him at least to some hostel and helped him…

  7. TDW

    Our war story is our last night in Beijing.
    We went to a market and ate dog, scorpion, snake, centipede and sea horse. We then thought it wise to go and party all night abusing rice wine and beer, headed straight for our flight to Nepal. Didn’t realise we had a stop over in Malaysia so quickly booked a hostel. Our flight landed but our bags were detained for the Nepal flight. We had to wear and sleep in the same clothes for 3 days! Fail!

  8. Dan Sick Cunt Tour Guide

    “Mafia Taxi Ride”
    Back in Nam. I was in Hanoi. At a mafia run nightclub. Stumbling out the front door at 5am. I yell taxi. Moments later a taxi magically appeared. Little did I know he was not a motorbike taxi driver but rather a Vietnamese mafia general. So we agreed the price at 50k vietnamese dong and set off. First he takes me to the wrong hostel. I may or may not of abused him for it; those details are forgotten. Eventually reach the hostel. He demands 100k and I only have 50k. He’s not too happy with this. He says “fuck you” and starts punching me. Being a 50kg vietnamese man means you cannot pack much of a punch. I weigh in at 90kg so his little pussy punches whilst in my drunken state I could not feel. I said “punch me punch me I cant even feel it”. So what does he do, trots off to his moto and grabs his key. WHACK one in the forehead. WHACK two on the ear. I wake up in the morning with a band-aid on my forehead and dried blood on my ear. I ask what the fuck happened last night and I was told I got hit in the head and ear with a key by a vietnamese mafioso. I could have lost my ear or an eye, but was just happy that I survived. Hanoi mafioso get down here. Oh, and 50k is around £1.50. Peace.

  9. Travel Bug

    Title: New Years Eve and 3 Borrowed Condoms
    Location: $#%^#@$ BAR, South East Asia

    WIN: Seduce hot english chick with out a word and leave club.
    WIN: Borrowed 1st Condom from friend on way out of the club just before exiting.
    FAIL: Broke Condom on application in empty 12 person dorm.
    WIN: Borrowed 2nd Condom from drunk guy who stumbled into dorm at 2:00 am who passed out in the bunk below us.
    FAIL: Finally started to get down and a group of 6 girls walk in and turn the lights on and talk about the night for 30 minutes. By the time they turn the lights back off the condom has come off.
    WIN: Borrowed 3rd Condom from Canadian friend who walked in 20 minutes after the lights went out with his friends.
    WIN: Had sex with a nearly full dorm room with 3rd borrowed condom.

  10. Girl In Na Trang

    So many backpacking stories involve couples having sex in the dorm… in this one case I could tell this girl was a novice traveler because she kept going on about how this guy was making out with some girl on the top bunk half naked trying to get her to have sex… thats until she said… “I couldn’t believe it because his girlfriend was on the bottom bunk”.

  11. The One

    “Back in the closet?”
    I got woken up by a girl at 4 am in the dorm yelling to her friend “I just fucked a guy across the street” (the other hostel). They giggled for the next 20 minutes and loudly whispered until finally they got a few looks… Days later I was talking to the girls friend… apparently it was so funny because the girl was a lesbian.

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